Receptionist: Hello, this is the law school, how can I help you?
Guy on the phone: Yeah, I was wondering if you can refer a lawyer to me. I need a specialist in animal law.
R: What kind of specialist?
G: Animal law, do you know where I can find one?
R: What do you mean by animal law?
G: Well, I believe that animals are being denied their rights. I think animals should be able to buy a house, get married, and all that kind of stuff.
Guy: So... is BYU, like, the only law school in America?
Receptionist: I'm sorry, what?
G: Are there other law schools besides BYU?
R: Um... yes, there are over 200 in America alone.
G: Really? Wow! That's pretty cool. So, if I, like, want to go to law school, do I have to apply to all of them?
R: No... just the ones you want to go to.
G: Thanks, that's pretty cool.
Girl 1: So, this construction worker hit on me yesterday.
Girl 2: Oh, so was he cute?
Girl 1: No, he was like 45 and pretty ugly.
Girl 2: So what did you do?
Girl 1: I told him I am a lesbian and that I'm getting married soon.
Guy 1: You just date girls and then you get married, that's just how it works.
Guy 2: Unless you're gay... like my roommate
Guy 1: Yeah, unless you're- wait, your roommate is gay?
Guy 2: Well, it's just that he's really effeminate, and all his friends from back home are gay... and I think he said his parents are gay too...
Guy 1: Whoa... yeah, he's totally going to be gay.
I just got up to campus...yeah, I forgot that I had class, so I didn't come earlier...
[note: we are now in the 14th week of the semester, so even if her class only meets once a week, it's been happening for over 3 months...isn't that hard to forget?]
this morning the romgi and i were waiting for the bookstore to reopen after devotional (they shut down from 10:45-11:50 on tuesdays). on every entrance, in every window, there were signs saying BOOKSTORE CLOSED in large letters, and we will reopen at 11:50am underneath.
at 11:45 a girl walks up, pulls the door handle, and is surprised to see that it is locked. so she tries the next door. and the next. seriously, all four doors in front of us...then she looks around, pulls the door handle again, and finally takes a step back to wait with the rest of us. apparently she was in a big hurry, because when someone exited the building a minute later she ran to get through the door before it closed again.
unfortunately for her, there are two set of doors on every building to keep the warmth in during the winter, and she was locked in between them because of her little stunt.
in the immortal words of owen meany: "CAN'T YOU READ?"
so i'm not sure how the titles work...and my quote is inappropriate and absurd in so many ways so you can censor this if you want...but i swear i heard this. i was waiting for a bus with my roommate during freshman year of college on corner of sunset and vine (i think) standing in front of hollywood high school. we had just spent the day during touristy things in hollywood and thought we had seen all sorts of weird things. there were some young hooligans fooling around on the steps of the high school shouting obscenities at each other - nothing out of the ordinary, right? so we were standing around blah blah and out of nowhere one boy shouts to another:
"HEY F****T!!! I'LL KNOCK YOU OUT AND WAKE YOU UP BY SUCKING YOUR D***!!!"
so when people talk about the stupid things they've overheard this one always automatically comes to mind. all the other stupid things i hear are pretty stupid but none are so stupid that i remember them like i've remembered this one. i'll add more as i hear them...
Girl 1: "Oh my gosh, have you guys seen that movie 'Labyrinth'?"
Girl 2: "Yeah, that movie totally changed my life."
