roommate 0004

I find stability in the seams of my pants.

campus 0004

so yeah, I'm totally going to class with my panties tucked up my bra.

campus 0003

this morning the romgi and i were waiting for the bookstore to reopen after devotional (they shut down from 10:45-11:50 on tuesdays). on every entrance, in every window, there were signs saying BOOKSTORE CLOSED in large letters, and we will reopen at 11:50am underneath.

at 11:45 a girl walks up, pulls the door handle, and is surprised to see that it is locked. so she tries the next door. and the next. seriously, all four doors in front of us...then she looks around, pulls the door handle again, and finally takes a step back to wait with the rest of us. apparently she was in a big hurry, because when someone exited the building a minute later she ran to get through the door before it closed again.

unfortunately for her, there are two set of doors on every building to keep the warmth in during the winter, and she was locked in between them because of her little stunt.

in the immortal words of owen meany: "CAN'T YOU READ?"

so i'm not sure how the titles work...and my quote is inappropriate and absurd in so many ways so you can censor this if you want...but i swear i heard this. i was waiting for a bus with my roommate during freshman year of college on corner of sunset and vine (i think) standing in front of hollywood high school. we had just spent the day during touristy things in hollywood and thought we had seen all sorts of weird things. there were some young hooligans fooling around on the steps of the high school shouting obscenities at each other - nothing out of the ordinary, right? so we were standing around blah blah and out of nowhere one boy shouts to another:

"HEY F****T!!! I'LL KNOCK YOU OUT AND WAKE YOU UP BY SUCKING YOUR D***!!!"

so when people talk about the stupid things they've overheard this one always automatically comes to mind. all the other stupid things i hear are pretty stupid but none are so stupid that i remember them like i've remembered this one. i'll add more as i hear them...

If I hadn't woken up, I'd still be asleep!

campus 0002

Girl 1: "Oh my gosh, have you guys seen that movie 'Labyrinth'?"
Girl 2: "Yeah, that movie totally changed my life."

roommate 0003

hugs are like jigsaw puzzles.

roommate 0002

what's that narnia book about? ...narnia?

campus 0001

it's come to the point where i can recognize you from the back of your head!

the romgi 0003

biting is not conducive to reverence.

the romgi 0002

you're kind of like a camel, but with food.

roni 0002

my face is all salty and dry.

roommate 0001

it's kind of funny to think of a bird breathing.

roni 0001

i think of jesucita as being a rather large parrot.

cell phone 0001

so, he's like, still trying to pay attention to her and like, buy her a dog and stuff. yeah, totally. i'm like, we don't even want him around, why would we want a dog he bought around?

the romgi 0001

is that how it is? well, you would be saying something else if things were different.

why maude hates you

i probably shouldn't tell you this, but maude is actually roni's alter-ego. every decent person needs an alter-ego. look at calvin and stupendous man. see my point?

anyway, maude (me) is roni's ornery, pissy, emo-ish alter-ego, and so i think it follows naturally that i hate the world.

did you know that people say stupid things?

true story.

this blog really has nothing to do with me, or the fact that i hate the world. mostly it's about ridiculous things i hear people say.

if you think you hear people say stupid things too, ask to join. then you can add quotes too.